Crashing someone's car.

So Sunday I crashed someone's car into someone else's car.

It was the first time I have ever hit a car, which sucks because now after almost 8 years of perfect driving I can't say "I never once got into a car accident" anymore -- although since it wasn't my car I crashed I can say something like "I never crashed my car once", and still be telling the truth (or at least convince myself I am.)

Quick description of the incident:

Me and Kristin were in her car. I was driving down my street towards my house approaching a curve to the right. I applied the brake about 70 feet back and the brakes locked because of ice, causing me to have no control over the deceleration of the vehicle. We hit a curb and got sling-shot into the back of an SUV. The airbags deploy, we cough, I apologize. I give Kristin my coat and she gives me a kiss. The police come, think I'm drunk, I prove them wrong. Insurance is exchanged, and Kristin, whose toes are near frostbite status at this point, is carried 6 houses down the street by me to a bed and a warm heating pad. I go back to take pictures of the area. I check the car for anymore belongings and come home to an asleep Kristin.

I would like to (for myself, mostly) try to go through the thought process I had after colliding with the parked car.

Fear - I wanted to make sure Kristin knew we were going to crash. I believe my exact words were "Holy shit, Kristin!".

Understanding - I remember thinking in the last .05 seconds before impact that there was nothing I could do to stop this from happening. I just asked someone if this could all just end nicely.

Disbelief - The moment I tasted the acidy powder I didn't want to accept what just happened.

Worry - I pushed the bag away to make sure Kristin was okay. She looked scared, but assured me she was okay. I apologized and didn't hear what she said after that. I got out on my side and someone was asking me if I was okay. I walked over to her side to open her door and I helped her out. She was okay.

Disbelief - "Did I really just nail a car?! Is this what it's like?! What do I do now?! This isn't even my car! Am I hurt?!"

Apologetic - I think I apologized to an innocent bystander thinking it was his car. I apologized to Kristin one thousand times and then to a man who told me I was bleeding from my mouth.

Fear - "Holy shit. This is happening. I have to deal with this. Don't freak out."

Comfort - I was thankful Kristin was okay and I was also thankful there was no human beings between me and the parked car. The mantra "Things could have went a lot worse" circled through my head a dozen times as we waited for the police. They were going to ask if I had any drinks that night and I wasn't going to lie to them, "One or two earlier in the night". The police were going to have their suspicions and I was not going to tell them how to do their job. It was something I couldn't run away from and I just had to accept. It's sort of the same way I look at going to the dentist. He's going to do some shit that's going to hurt. It's going to hurt a lot. But there's nothing I can do to get past this without getting hurt. So in order to get past the pain I need to think of the relief I will feel when it's done.

Fear - Without even getting out of his car the cop already made it known that he didn't like me. Maybe I just physically don't seem like the kind of guy people would immediately get along with? (Infact, he told me later he was angry about having to be at Cottman and Frankford all night, for the possible Eagles win). Kristin was very beneficial at this point after the officer cut me short of my explanation. She looked me in the eyes and told me to be calm and that everything was going to be okay. He was going to give me a sobriety test and I had a lot riding on it. I had my license, which if taken away would significantly impact my entire life. I had J--- who, as my little brother in the big-brother/big-sister program looked up to me as a mentor... and to have him taken away from me for a mistake like this would crush him. I had future job opportunities which would be severely diminished if I failed this test. I'm sure that anyone who's gotten a DUI can also come up with a million other reasons why it SUCKS to get one, but those are the ones that came immediately to mind.

Determination - The officer was very stern with his instructions during the sobriety test. I didn't approach the test with the "I am drunk, how do I convince this man I am not?" mentality. Instead I told myself that, since I'm not drunk, this test would accurately be able to tell him so, and we could just put this behind us. He tried confusing my left and my right, but I saw through his superior officer-intellect. I passed the test with flying colors.

Apologetic - Now that the worst part was over I had to focus on correcting the problem I had created in smashing Kristin's car. I apologized profusely (and I still am), and told her I would do whatever I could to rectify the situation.

Determination - I know what I did and demanded responsibility in correcting the problem. The feeling of not being allowed to help truely hurt, so I continued on with persistence that no matter what was needed to make this better I would do it. Again, this is a lot like the dentist. What ever I have to do is going to suck because if I just hadn't slipped on that ice I wouldn't have to do it. But now it's my responsibility and I'm not going to run away from it. I'm going to deal with the pain because I know there will be relief afterwards.

My worst fear was that I messed up so bad that Kristin wouldn't let me take part in fixing it. But as I went to the mangled car this afternoon, when I got home from work, she had left a note on it. It was telling the owners of the parked car that her now-destroyed vehicle would be towed away the following day. Instead of signing it Kristin she signed it "Kristin + Keith".

Whew.